Clap Diddlee Oh So
by Mr. Ree and Mr. Meenor
Summary: Another day at the Order, and Allen is trying to sleep, but Lavi wants to play an innocent game that is for children. What happens when Kanda also gets involved in the mess? A bigger mess.


Welcome to a short fic I have forthwith decided to write! It should be fun, I suppose. Let's give it a whirl, shall we? Let us commence forthwith with "Clap Diddlee Oh So"!

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man is property of Katsura Hoshino and Funimation. This series is a parody and nothing more, so please support the official release. Got it? Damn well better.

* * *

Clap-Diddlee-Oh-So

The wind had died down from the previous storm that had occurred that night. It was quiet now, with the airs being much easier to breathe. It was so quiet, unearthly quiet. Allen took in a deep breath before sitting up and yawning. It was early still, but he was tired, and yet no matter how hard he tried, he could not get himself to fall asleep. He tossed and turned, but nothing seemed to help the poor boy as he struggled with his complications that could not be explained. He sighed, touching his bare feet to the slightly-cold floor and approached the door. Perhaps if he got something from Jerry, he would feel better.

He put on his socks and shoes, quickly grabbed a shirt and put it on before heading out drowsily towards the infamous dining hall where the man named Jerry resided. He sighed. He knew how to be polite, yes, but it took an awful strain to try to be those days. He proceeded quietly, avoiding looks of Miranda and Johnny, who were discussing about her Innocence and its potential abilities. He yawned once more.

'_Jeez. Would it kill me to get a good night's sleep once in a while?' _he complained internally. _'I wonder what the other's are doing, now that I think about it. Kanda and Lavi are probably arguing again…' _He entered the dining hall to see Lavi standing there, waiting for his food to be cooked. _'Oh. Guess not.'_

"Heya, Allen!" Lavi grinned widely at him, his red flame of hair tossed carelessly about him. "Have you seen Yuu-chan? I want to teach him how to play a game!"

'_T-That sounds slightly dangerous,' _Allen thought, talking to Jerry for a few moments before responding to Lavi. "I haven't. And besides, teaching him a game? Are you _trying _to get yourself killed? Last time you did that, he tried to cut your head off on the spot! Don't you remember that?!"

"Ah, don't worry, Allen." The redhead helped Jerry move Allen's food to the table. "I got a plan this time."

'_Oh boy, Lavi has a plan. That sounds __totally__ reliable.'_

"I'm just gonna wait for him here," Lavi said, stretching his arms. "'Til then, you might as well keep me entertained. 'Kay?"

"…How do you mean?"

Lavi picked up his own fork, trying to help himself to some of Allen's food, but his hand was batted away. A small pout formed on his lips. "I may as well teach you, too. Lenalee was the one who taught me. She learned in while she was on a mission in America. Komui has a fit when he saw her playin' with me, though. I almost got killed…" He stared out into space, as if remembering the event, before snapping back and grinned widely at Allen. "So? Do you wanna learn? That way, you can play with Lenalee, too."

Allen could feel the wink even though he wasn't looking. He sighed, putting his fork down and swallowed the piece of food that was already in his mouth. "Okay, Lavi, I give-- What is this game you speak of?"

The redhead grinned. "I thought you'd never ask."

* * *

Kanda put Mugen back in his sheathe. That was him, sixteen hundred, practice doll, none. Obviously, the doll couldn't fight back, but he still had sweet joy in destroying it to pieces and laughing inside his at the poor, miserable piece of garbage that it was. He sighed, walking slowly back to his room. Out of anything that was nice and quiet in the Order, it was the sound of him destroying things with one simple movement. The thought made him grin a little as he walked back into his room and replaced the missing hair tie he had lost in the midst of his challenge. He tied his hair back, frowning, then headed towards the dining hall.

He was in need of another plate of soba noodles. If that damned bean sprout got in the way, he would find himself begging for mercy at his hands.

He walked past everyone he didn't care about and directly into the main hall, past most of the table until he heard an annoying sing-song voice coming from one, no, two people he utterly despised. He twitched, then turned to see the most frightening thing he had ever seen. He couldn't move a finger, utter a single negative, or call tem both idiots.

"…oh~so, clap clap clap, sing sal-a-reeka, reeka reeka reeka…" Lavi and Allen chimed in union, their hands clapping each other to the beat. Kanda thought he was going to vomit at the sight, but he couldn't even budge. He was rendered speechless. "…dolor, dolor! One two three four!" There was a pause as Allen grinned widely and Lavi sat there, shocked. "What?! Again!? How the hell could you possibly win again!?"

"I guess I'm just that good. How come the lyrics are so weird?" Allen grinned sheepishly at Lavi, the little devil horns coming out with each win he had won.

"Well, I modified them. They go something like, "Quack diddly oso, clap clap clap… Well, she said it varies-- Yuu-chan!" Lavi jumped for joy and attempted to hug the unfriendly samurai, but it resulted in getting a punch instead. "Ow! That was rude, Yuu! I can't believe you did that!" He pouted for a moment, then grinned widely. "Do you wanna play a game?"

"Like hell do I want to play a game with either of you," Kanda said harshly, trying to move the apprentice Bookman out of his way. "You both tick me off. Leave me alone and play your own stupid games. Che."

Lavi huffed, anger mark readable on the left side of his face. "You're gonna play with us, Yuu-chan, because if you don't…" A grin slyly sneaked up his face, one filled with devious ideas. "…I will show everyone that one photo I have of you. Remember? The one where--"

"Che!" He slapped his hand over Lavi's mouth. He definitely did not want Allen, the damned bean sprout, of all people, to hear that. "Fine. I'll play your game. What the hell are we playing?"

Allen was astonished as he watched Lavi sit Kanda down beside him and grin. "It's called Stella Ella Ola! Though, the lyrics we're playing with are modified by Lenalee. It goes, "Clap diddlee oh so, clap clap clap, sing sal-a-reeka, reeka reeka reeka, dolor, dolor dolor dolor, dolor, one two three four." He grinned widely. "Me and Allen here will play an example-game for you to understand the concept, okay, Yuu-chan?"

"Call me that again and I'll hurt you."

Lavi only grinned as the game proceeded. Kanda watched, dumbfounded, as the two recited the lyrics while clapping their hands together. How, in all honesty, did anyone find this 'fun'? A scowl formed on his face.

"…three four!" Lavi tried to slap Allen's hand, but missed completely. "Damn! I lost again?! How does that even work?!"

"Your fault for being too slow."

"Hey!" Lavi's upper lip twitched for a moment, then grinned again as he turned to Kanda. "Okay, Yuu-chan! Your turn to give it a shot, ah? Let's go!"

'_I can't believe I'm doing this…' _he thought in dismay, pressure forming around him as the game started. He knew all eyes were on him. He just knew it. He clapped Allen's hand, then Allen clapped Lavi's, then Lavi clapped Kanda's. It went on until it nearly drew to a close.

"…two…" Allen said after Kanda clapped him. "…three…" Allen hit Lavi, "…four!" and Lavi hit Kanda a little bit too hard on the hand, causing the Japanese man to reel back his hand in anger and slight pain.

"What the hell was that for?!" he yelled, pulling out Mugen. "Do you have a death wish, Baka Usagi?!"

"I-It's just a game-- I mean-- You're a beginner, a-and losing means you get slapped-- Everyone knows tha--!"

"_DIE!"_

"Eep!"

Allen watched hopelessly as the two men, who both were playing a children's clapping game, were fighting. Well, more like Kanda trying to kill Lavi and Lavi trying to defend himself from Kanda. He sighed, watching Lenalee come in.

"What's all the fuss about?" she asked innocently.

Allen could feel sweat pouring down his face as Lavi collided into Sir Komulen the Ninth. "Oh… a children's clapping game… turned into a brawl."

Lasers started to shoot out of the robot, causing mostly everyone in the hall to run away. Lenalee sighed, activating her Dark Boots as Lavi got shot, being turned into a mouse. Komui snatched him up and started laughing cruelly, yelling abut how he was going to use the Lavi-Mouse to test his new mouse traps.

"Just another day in the Order, huh?" Lenalee groaned, not believing what she was seeing.

Allen nodded, activating Crown Clown as Kanda glared at the scientist, yelling profanities. "…Y-You're telling me, Lenalee…"

* * *

Oh, that was so much fun to write! So! Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Destroy it? Hit me with a review, por favor! It's very much appreciated! I may add one more chapter to this. I don't know. Well, if that is the case, see you in two! (It will say completed unless I change my mind.) --K.S.


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